Magic!
by Crimsontear17
Summary: A twisted story about the Harry Potter characters
1. Harry

CT, I own none of the Harry Potter characters. This is a HUGE o/c story and it is very twisted, so, please no flames.

Harry, I have a feeling we're not going to like this at all.

CT, "grins" Just wait and see.

Ron, "cringes" That makes me dread it even worse.

* * *

"Hello to all. My name is Peeves. I've been a ghost in Hogwarts castle for many years. Though I must say that I have never seen anything quite as interesting as Harry Potter and his friends and foes. I shall show you all what I mean."

Silently Peeves went to the Griffindor dormitory , which was empty except for one person. "Well, well. If it isn't Mr. Potter himself."

Harry sat there. Depression filled his thoughts. "Why….why!"

Peeves arched a brow in curiosity. He had to know more about why Harry was acting strange. So, he inched closer. He then realized that Harry was dressed up emo. 'What in the blazes?'

Black tears ran down Harry's mascara smeared face as he held a picture of Ron. "Must we always be a part? Ronald, my love, I dream of telling you my feelings. Feelings of passion hotter than a thousand suns."

All Peeves could do was stare at Harry in shock. When had he become, as the kids now days said, emo? And why was he crying about feelings for Ron? Realization hit him. It couldn't be. The great Harry Potter…gay? It took everything Peeves had to not burst into laughter.

Harry sniffled and put the picture of Ron away. "One day my beloved." Suddenly the song I'm bringing sexy back by Justin Timberlake starts playing. "Yes, you're bringing sexy back!" Harry sang as he danced around. He pulled out a poster of Justin Timberlake and batted his eyes. "I love you almost as much as I love my fiery tempered god Ron." Quickly he kisses the poster.

"Note to self. Stay away from Potter." Peeves said to himself so that Harry couldn't hear him.

"Now for fun." Harry chimed as he got out three voodoo dolls. Labeled Brittany, Cameron, and Hermione. "I HOPE ALL OF YOU BASTARDS DIE!" He stabbed at them with daggers.

Peeves cringed and backed away. "I'm very scared now."

Harry got out his wand and yelled, "LUMOS!" When his wand did the spell he cursed. "Bloody hell…which spell was it!" He stomped his foot in frustration.

"Harry!" Ron's voice sounded from the common room.

His eyes were closed. "That sweet angelic sound. I'm coming my love!" Quickly Harry changed back into his normal clothes, put the poster and dolls away, and ran from the room.

Peeves merely twitched. "Well….that was certainly….odd….We better leave now before we get caught." He tapped his chin. "Though it would be good to use this information for blackmail….Anyway! Our next victim..oops…I mean study will be Harry's love, Ron Weasly."

* * *

CT, Hope you enjoyed it!

Harry, "twitches" I…am not gay.

CT, Oh come on. It's just a story.

Harry, Just a story!

CT, Don't worry, Ron's is even better.

Ron, What!

CT, You'll have to wait until the next chapter!


	2. Ron

CT, I own none of the Harry Potter characters and than you guys for the reviews!

Ron, Please tell me that you forgot my part in this story.

CT, "shakes head" Sorry, but no.

Ron, "groans" Why me?

Harry, Hey at least you weren't put as a gay emo.

CT, Oh no hon his is even better.

Ron, Do I want to ask?

CT, Just wait and see.

* * *

"Now that we have escaped the horrors of Mr. Potter's real personality, we can turn to see Mr. Weasly." Peeves said.

Ron was talking to Hermione while Harry looked at him lovingly. He then noticed Harry staring at him. "You alright Harry?"

Harry snapped back into reality. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Apparently Weasly is a normal lad." Peeves quietly whispered.

"I'm going to go take a bath." Ron said as he got up and left the common room.

Harry closed his eyes. "To see that magnificent body."

"Did you say something Harry?" Hermoine asked with concerned eyes.

"Yea." Harry quickly replied.

Peeves was reluctant to follow Ron, but he could sense that the boy had been lying. He had gone to do something else. So, he followed Ron into the boy's bathroom. He hid in the shadows and watched Ron as he came up to Moaning Myrtle.

"Hello Myrtle." Ron said with a smile.

Myrtle giggled like a little girl. "Hello Ron."

Ron turned on the water. "The spell is almost complete. My plan is working magnificently. People think I am an idiot."

Again Myrtle giggled. She floated down to Ron. "How much longer?"

"I need a few more ingredients my darling and then you will be alive and able to live with me."

Peeves gaped, but stayed silent. Ron...and Myrtle? He shuddered to think what they were going to do.

Ron smiled lovingly at Myrtle. "Just a while longer love. Then we can sacrifice that bitch Hermoine and you shall take over her body."

"Excellent." Myrtle said as she ran a hand down his face, but it went right through his body.

Ron closed his eyes. "I can't wait to feel your touch for real."

"Can you dance and sing for me again?"

"Not now." Ron said as he expertly examined the ingredients.

Myrtle gave a pout. "But I like watching you..please?"

Ron looked up at Myrtle. A smile appeared on his face. "Alright." He looked around and made sure no one was looking.

Peeves heard music start to play. He blinked and realized the singer. "He listens to bloody Cher!"

Slowly Ron unbuttoned his robe. "This is for you."

When he removed the robe, Peeves nearly fainted.

Ron was wearing a black and red corset trimmed in lace with fishnet stockings hooked to a garterbelt and hooker boots.

Myrtle grinned and batted her eyes. "You are so sexy."

"Thank you." Ron replied. He started to dance a bit and sang along with the song. Out of know where a black feather boa appeared and wrapped itself around Ron.

"Oh forget this!" Peeves said as he disappeared. He was now pale, which was strange for a ghost. "I'm never following Weasly again."

It was then he saw Hermoine. "Perhaps...Ms. Granger will not be as traumatizing as Weasly or Potter."

* * *

CT, Yay another chapter done!

Ron, "speechless"

Harry, "rolling in laughter"


	3. Hermione

CT, I own none of the Harry Potter characters and no I don't own Orlando Bloom either.

Ron, No you don't because if you did we'd be so friggin corrupted.

Harry, I believe you're still torn up about the last chapter.

Ron, "rolls eyes" Of course I am stupid. Aren't you still upset what she did to you?

Harry, Hmm…a bit, but not as upset since I saw yours. "laughs"

CT, On to the story!

* * *

Hermione kept looking over her shoulder. She could swear someone was following her. It convinced her though, when she saw no one. So she walked faster until she'd left the castle and went into a near by shack. Again she looked around to make sure that no one was following. Then she went inside.

Peeves arched a brow. "Well, this certainly isn't normal behavior for Ms. Granger. Let's have a peek." Even though Harry and Ron had scarred him, he let his curiosity get the better of him.

From what he could see, the shack was old and dusty. Like a regular old shack.

Hermione moved aside the old rusted stove. There it revealed a tunnel, which she slipped into.

Peeves followed her quietly. It took several minutes before she stopped at a huge iron door. She whispered a chant and waited patiently as the doors creaked open. Peeves waited until she was gone before he darted inside. He stopped dead in his tracks.

There they were. Inside a candle lit room. Black leather padding covered the walls. There were all kinds of whip, chains, and other sex toys. What caught Peeves' attention was the sight of a mysterious man chained to a black king-size bed. "This cannot be good." he whispered to himself.

A muffled sound came from the masked man. Hermione smiled seductively and walked over to the man. "I'm here love." The man groaned.

Hermione laughed and removed the mask the man was wearing. "Good evening Orli."

Peeves blinked in shock. Orlando Bloom? This was some friggin Jerry Springer crap.

"Will you just let me go?" Orlando asked grumpily.

"I'm afraid not my pet." Hermione replied as she ran a finger down his cheek. "The world will soon be mine and I need you along with the other kabana boys so that I can reproduce a superior race."

Orlando gave Hermione a you're-out-of-your- mind look. "I can't be trapped down here. I have a life and plenty of people that miss me."

Hermione shed her robe. There she wore a vinyl red dominatrix out fit with thigh high boots and fishnet stockings. Silently she grabbed a whip.

Suddenly Orlando's face paled a bit. "Oh bloody hell."

"SILENCE!" Hermione yelled as she snapped the whip near Orlando.

He went quiet.

"That's better." she said with a sweet, innocent smile.

Slowly she crawled up into the bed with Orlando and laid her head on his chest as she snuggled up to him. "I already told you. That my real father, Voldemort, is planning an attack against the world. Once he wins I kill him, and rule the world."

Orlando tensed, but wisely remained silent.

"You're learning fast Orli. If you keep this up, I'll make you my head husband." Her eyes darkened a bit. "And if you retaliate, I will have to mar this perfect skin of yours." Hermione then got up and went to her computer desk. There she got online and started talking with someone.

Peeves was completely baffled and scared. "This is my bloody chance to leave." So, he shot out of the room and out of the shack as fast as he could go back to Hogwarts. "Professor Dumbledore should know about that crazy wench!"

* * *

CT, Another chappy done!

Harry, "twitching"

Ron, "ko'ed"


	4. Draco

CT, I own none of the Harry Potter Characters or Martha Stewart. Sorry that I haven't updated in a few days. Been really busy.

Ron, "snorts" Whatever.

CT, "glares" The next chappie is about Draco.

* * *

Peeves had gotten back into Hogwarts. "Oh bloody hell." He took a deep breath. Granger had scarred him more than Potter or Weasly had.

A few minutes later Draco Malfoy entered and looked around. He smiled. "YES! I FINALLY HAVE IT!" He snuggled something to his chest.

Though he knew better, Peeves couldn't help himself. This was too good to miss. So, he floated down closer to Draco. "What in the world is Malfoy up to?"

Draco closed his eyes and held up a picture. "I love you!" He kissed the picture.

He couldn't see who was in the picture Malfoy was kissing, but he knew that Draco was creeping him out.

When Draco heard foot steps, he quickly went into the Slytherin common room. As usual no one was there. Quickly he scurried over to the fire place, where he said "PRADA!"

The fire went out, and the bricks disappeared into another passage way. Draco went into the tunnel.

"I know I shouldn't go…"Peeves turned to leave. "But the bloody suspense is killin me!" he groaned. Even though it was impossible to kill someone when they're already dead. So, Peeves slipped into the passage and stalked after Draco. He gaped when he saw Draco skipping down the torch-lit tunnel. A very….girly skip.

Draco continued skipping. "Lalalalalalalalala!" He turned around to make sure no one had followed him. Sensing no one there, he entered into another room.

Peeves quickly followed, but stopped in his tracks. "WTF!" There was a huge shrine.

"Now no one is around…" Draco took off his robe. He now wore a white silk shirt, tight black leather pants, and gogo boots. He batted his eyes and looked at his nails. "I can't wait to get you beauties done again."

Peeves was still in shock about the shrine to notice the outfit Draco was wearing.

"Oh my goddess, my sweet Minerva." Draco sang as he held up the picture of Professor McGonagall. He set the picture on the shrine.

"He's got a shrine to Minerva!" Peeves nearly gagged. Why in the world would Malfoy want anything to do with that shriveled up old hag?

"I can't wait until Minnie gets here." Draco walked over to a place that looked like a designer's place. "Now it's time for Martha!"

Martha Stewart came on t.v.

Draco squealed in delight. "God that woman is great!"

He began watching her make things and started to create some of the stuff himself.

About 30 minutes later, a feminine voice said through the darkness. "Hello Draco."

Draco smiled stupidly. "Hello baby." He gathered McGonagall into his arms. "I love you my sweet."

"Same here." McGonagall replied. She walked out of Draco's arms. "I hate being stuck in this age." With a spell McGonagall changed from her older self to a young woman. A beautiful young woman.

Peeves once again was shocked.

"How much longer must we keep meeting in secret?" Draco asked with a pout. "I want the world to know of my feelings for you."

"When my husband is killed and so is our daughter."

"Yes….I can't wait to get rid of Voldemort and Granger." Draco said as he ran a hand down Minerva's back.

Minerva sighed. "That's why I stay in the form of an old bitty. I don't want anyone to know I'm still alive."

Draco began to massage her shoulders. "Let me pleasure you dearest."

Before Draco could respond, Minerva pulled him into a kiss.

Peeves almost fainted.

"You read my mind snookums." She said as she nipped his chin.

"Thanks sweetums!" Draco giggled like a girl and pulled her into another kiss.

This was too much he had to get the hell out of here before things went any further, so he poofed a random room.

* * *

CT, ALL DONE!

Boys, "rolling in laughter"

Harry, "tears in eyes" There are times that I think I like you.

Ron, Thought you liked me.

Harry, "flips ron off"

CT, Boys!


	5. Snape

CT, Ello everyone! I own none of the Harry Potter characters I do own Tito and Anita though. And I apologize for not updating… "grins nervously"

Ron, "sighs" What bloody character are ya goin to damage this time?

CT, "grins" Snape!

Harry, "winces" Do we wanna know?

CT, You'll have to find out….

* * *

"Oh good heavens…" Peeves muttered as he took a huge breath in relief. Quietly he poofed into the castle.

The students were changing classes, and Ron, Harry, and Hermione stood there talking.

"Have any of you guys felt like someone was watching you today?" Harry asked as he looked at Ron with hungry eyes. If only they could be alone for a few minutes…

Ron and Hermione arched a brow.

"Nope…"Ron lied as he stared at Harry with a funny expression. He felt like someone was stalking him.

Hermione's face turned to stone as she muttered, "If they are I'll bloody kill them." No one could know of her plans!

"What did you say?" The boys asked in unison. Hermione was starting to scare them.

Peeves grew nervous. He hoped to god that they didn't suspect him. If they did…He gulped. His life would be a living hell.

The bell rang and they all scurried off to class. Peeves some how ended up in the potions class. Snape. Peeves snorted. He hated the man with a passion.

"Get in your seats." Snape said with venom in his voice.

Quickly the students did as they were told. They also got out their supplies to begin class.

About 30 minutes later, a phantom-like figure appeared. "Boss." he said in a cracky New York accented voice.

Snape narrowed his eyes and waved his head towards his office.

The newcomer nodded and went into the office.

"Start reading on page 13." Snape muttered as he started towards his office.

Draco started to say something smart, but Snape glared. "Have something to say Malfoy?"

"No professor." Draco replied. He didn't dare look Snape in the eyes.

"This should be interesting." Peeves said to himself. He followed Snape in the shadows.

Snape rolled his eyes and left. "Stupid boy."

The mystery person was sitting in Snape's chair, but quickly got up.

"What in the hell did you interrupt my class?" he snapped. His voice changed to a deep Italian Mafia tone.

"I took care of Jimmy, Boss."

Snape sat down. He actually smirked as he tapped his chin. "Good."

The stranger beamed. "Need anyone else knocked off?"

"Not yet Tito." Snape replied. "Jimmy went off to the police. The family couldn't trust him." He glared at the stranger. "Like our motto says You mess wit the Family, the Family messes wit you."

"Right Boss."

"Anyway…I have to plan my daughter's wedding now." Snape grabbed a picture and gleamed with pride. He showed Tito the picture. It was a very pretty young woman with hair as black as her father's, pale blue eyes, and creamy skin.

"Little Anita has grown up to be a beautiful young lady. She'll make a gorgeous bride."

Snape nodded. "Indeed she will."

Tito arched a brow. "Um…who she getting married to?"

An evil smile came across Snape's face. "Potter."

"Harry Potter?! Boss…I thought you hated that twerp."

"I do." he snapped. "That's why I want him to marry Anita."

Tito scratched his head in confusion. "But-"

"If Potter marries Anita then I get to kill him."

"Oh." Tito said in understanding. "How long have they been engaged?"

"They aren't. I'm engaging them today." He could definitely get Potter to do as he wanted.

Peeves bit his lip. If only Snape knew that Potter was gay. He'd be disgusted with the very thought of his daughter marrying Potter. A sound escaped Peeves.

Both Tito and Snape turned to see Peeves.

"PEEVES!" Snape yelled as he got out a gun.

"Oh damn!" Peeves said as he hurried out of the room.

Snape ran after Peeves.

Everyone gasped as he came out with his gun and they panicked.

"He's got a bloody gun!" one kid yelled.

"Shut up." Snape spat. He fired the gun in the air. Everyone quietly sat down. "The next one who yells, or tells I'll put a bullet in your ass!"

Tito snickered. "And I'll get rid of the evidence."

Snape glared at Tito, who instantly shut up. "Now…do as I say and you won't die."

All of the students' eyes widened. "Ok!" They said in fear.

Peeves was now in the courtyard. "I can't believe that crazy bastard is a teacher!" He just hoped that he never run into Snape again.

* * *

CT, "grins" ALL DONE!

Harry, "slaps self on forehead" I can't believe you put me fixing to marry the kid of one of my mortal enemies.

CT, "shrugs" So…


	6. Dumbledore

CT, I own none of the Harry Potter Characters! Sry for not updating sooner.

Ron, You've been bloody lazy is what.

CT, Bite me...and uh...the Saxaphone god is a joke me and my friends came up with at school.

Ron, NO thanks.

CT, Anyway! On to the next chappy.

* * *

It was sometime later that Peeves came out of the shadows. He'd been hiding in that spot for hours, hoping and praying that Snape did not find him.

"What are you doing up there Peeves?"

Peeves jumped at the sound of the voice and looked down. "Oh nothing Dumbledore."

Dumbledore had a gleam in his eyes. A gleam that knew Peeves was lying. "Right." A long silence passed between them before Dumbledore sighed. "I'll see you later." A few minutes later he exited the hall and went to his room.

"Wonder what he's up to." Peeves said to himself. Curiosity got the better of him and so, he followed Dumbledore.

At his desk Dumbledore sat with a pair of headphones on his head and with about five phones ringing off the hook.

'This should be interesting.' Peeves thought to himself.

"Suicide hotline. Bob speaking." Dumbledore said.

Peeves arched a brow and listened closely.

"Tell me Janey, why do you want to kill yourself?"

Dumbledore listened to the distraught voice on the other line.

"NO! You must. You must kill yourself. The Saxaphone god will doom us all!"

A scream came from the other side of the line. "YOU'RE RIGHT!...Where can I find him?"

"At Mt. Fuji in Japan." Dumbledore replied.

"Ok.I'll go there and poison myself. I must save the planet!"

"YES! Go and save us all darling. You will be forever remembered!" Dumbledore said as he hung up and chuckled. "One more down, millions to go. I swear Voldemort, I will beat your score at killing the insane!"

Peeves gaped wide-mouthed. He couldn't believe that Hogwarts headmaster was a bloody murderer.

Suddenly Snape entered the room. "Professor."

"Yes, Severus?"

"Have you seen Peeves?"

Dumbledore looked into Peeves' direction. "No, I can't say I have."

Snape mumbled violently under his breath as he left.

Dumbledore acted as if he didn't notice Peeves and turned on a radio. Marylin Manson's The Beautiful People started playing.

The Headmaster removed his robes and revealed a Marylin Manson t-shirt, leather pants, and gogo boots. Soon into the song, he started to headbang to the rhythm.

"THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!."

Peeves gulped and could only watch in horror. What in the hell was wrong with the people at Hogwarts?Where they all friggin crazy?

As the song ended, a knock came on the door and a dark figure loomed in the doorway.

Dumbledore stopped the music and turned to see Darth Vader. His eyes watered. "When did you get back Petunia?!"

"A few hours ago." Petunia removed her mask.

They ran into each other's arms.

Peeves about gagged. The Headmaster and Potter's aunt? GROSS!

Petunia put back on her mask."Albus Dumbledore, I am your father!"

Dumbledore jumped Petunia and both fell to the ground. "No you ain't bitch. I'm your daddy, who's your daddy?"

"YOU ARE!" Petunia yelled with a laugh.

He had to get the hell out of here. So, Peeves quickly exited without notice and found himself in the great hall. "OMFG! Someone scratch my eyes out!"

* * *

CT, Another chappy done!

Harry, I can't believe you did those things to Dumbledore.

Ron, Poor Peeves...

CT, 'grinns' That's what happens when you are nosy.


	7. A Gryffindor bday party

CT, Ello everyone. I'm back. And I own none of the Harry Potter characters.

Ron, You're slow aren't ya?

CT, 'shrugs'Whatever.

Harry, On with the story already.

CT, Alright!

* * *

Peeves took a few humongous breaths. "Calm down ol' chap. You've seen worse than that." He shuddered.

In the Gryffindor common room, the students were chattering and music played.

"They sound like they're sane and having fun." Peeves said as he went into the common room. He needed something sane.

Inside he saw everyone dancing. They certainly were a lively bunch.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEVELLE!" Ron yelled. The youngest Weasly boy jumped around while he smoked a joint and drank Jack Daniels.

Meanwhile Hermione was busy sharpening a butterfly knife and Harry sat in a dark corner filming Ron's every move while he cried, for once, tears of joy.

Peeves started to leave, but stopped when a huge cake was brought out. Not even he could resist a piece of cake.

Nevelle sat in the center of the room smiling.

"Guess who hired some strippers!" Harry chimed.

A sly grin came upon Nevelle's face.

"Ready?!"

Before Nevelle could respond, Hermione began to ducktape him to the chair. He started to complain but the look in Hermione's eyes made him quickly shut up.

'This could be interesting.' Peeves always kind of liked loose women.

50 Cent's "Candyshop" started playing and out came the strippers.

Ron's eyes widened and he fell off the table he'd been dancing on, Hermione arched a brow, and Harry cheered in excitement.

The strippers were Fred and George. They were dressed in nothing but wrist cuffs, bowties, and black thongs.

Nevelle gaped in shock.

"Whoooo!Go Weaslys!" Harry and the others whooped and yelled.

Fred danced over to Nevelle and began giving him a lapdance while George began collecting money people offered them.

Slowly Ron got up and pranced around. "Get your boooze and drugs here! Half the price in celebration of good ol' Nevelle."

Students began running towards Ron.

Peeves stared in horror at poor Nevelle. The lad was looking very ill.

Harry was practically drooling over the twins.

"Are you gay?" Hermione asked.

"No." Harry snapped. "They look like Ginny in male form."

Hermione snorted.

"What? I find that arousing." he lied.

"And...Why did you hire male strippers?"

"My aunt is a regular Chipp-n-dales customer. I thought they would make a great gag gift." Harry looked back at the twins hungrily. They looked so much like his dear Ronald. "I personally love the red hair and pale skin." he said aloud.

"Right..."

As the song ended Nevelle was let loose. He ran to the nearest keg and began chugging any alcohol he could get his trembling hands on.

_30 minutes later..._

Nevelle and Harry were head-banging to the Macarena.

Fred and George, along with a bunch of other students, were dancing and doing a kickline number.

Ron and Hermione were so wasted that they were making out in a dark corner.

By this time Peeves was already running out. (author note: Didn't know ghosts could run.) "Can't anything be bloody normal for once around here?"

* * *

CT, Another chappy done!

Harry, I...need...a...psychologist.

Ron, ...Me too.

CT, And I'm taking psychology classes!

Both, 'groan'

CT, Until next time!


	8. The End

CT : Sooo sorry I haven't been on in a long time. I've been super busy with school and getting ready for college. I've barely had anytime to get on here. So, I have Harry Potter plushies for everyone! 'brings out a truckload of plushies for all the fans'

Ron: How much more are you going to put us through?

CT: 'sighs' Unfortunately this will be the last chapter for this story.

Both Harry and Ron: 'jumping for joy' WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CT: 'glares' Be quiet or I'll make a story of you two actually in love with one another.

Both: 'shut up'

CT: And I don't own any of the HP characters. Don't own Chippendales, Dumbledore's acrobat team, or Punk'd.

* * *

THE END

"'ey Peeves." a gruff voice said.

"AHHH!." Quickly the jumpy ghost turned and saw Hagrid.

Hagrid chuckled.

"Damn you!"

The half giant narrowed his eyes. "Watch yer language man.They might be kids around."

"No, there aren't. They're all bloody getting stoned in the Gryffindor common room."

"Really?"

"YES! I just said that."

"Cool."

Peeves sneered. "No, not cool."

Hagrid shrugged "Whatever you say loser. We're going to party."

Peeves shook his head. "No no no!"

"I didn't say you and me idiot."

"?!"

Hagrid unbuttoned his long jacket and out hopped 5 midgets.

"What the hell?"

"We're Dumbledore's personal acrobat team." The one that was supposed to be Hagrid said.

"Gold metalists we are."

"The very best by far."

As they began to chant and do gymnastic routines, Peeves ran like a bat out of hell trying to get away from them.

His right eye began twitching.

"Hold yeself together Peeves."

His mind couldn't take much more of this craziness. A ghost could only handle so much twistedness before they cracked.

From down the hallway the scratchy voice of Filtch could be heard.

"You're so beautiful Mrs. Norris."

Peeves took a deep gulp and closed his eyes. He was afraid of what he was about to see. But as a fool, he looked around the corner and saw Filtch cuddling his cat. His insides tightened as he felt like vomiting.

Filtch kissed his purring cat on the top of her head. "I love you my dearest." He then kissed her on the mouth.

The cat turned into a fairy princess. She was so beautiful. "Filtchie..." Mrs. Norris purred as she kissed him again.

The two began doing bad things to each other.

Everything in Peeves' head went haywire. His mind crashed and he went screaming throughout the halls of Hogwarts.

"I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS!"

As he came to the main hall, he saw everyone standing there.

"Hello Peeves." They all said in unison.

Peeves backed away. "Stay away from me you freaks! You're all crazy. Should all be put in a mental hospital!"

Everyone laughed. "SUPRISE!"

A spot light came upon him. Cameras and a crew came into view.

One man came up to him and laughed. "I'm Alex Vegan, temporary host of Punk'd. Peeves, you have just been Punk'd. So smile for the audience."

Weakly Peeves smiled. "Is all this real?"

Alex laughed. "No silly, this is all an act."

Peeves fainted on the spot.

1 hour later...

Peeves awoke to find himself in the hospital wing. "Where am I?"

"Hopefully getting better."

He looked over to see Dumbledore and became nervous.

"We got tired of you being nosy and pulling pranks on us all the time, so we Punk'd you." Dumbledore said.

Peeves relaxed some and Dumbledore explained everything to Peeves.

From that day on, Peeves was a good little ghost...for now anyway.

* * *

CT: 'crying' I can't believe the story's over...I wish I had made it better, but I figure I've tortured Peeves enough. He needs a happy ending.

Ron: Hallelujah it's over!

Harry: So, are we free to go now?

CT: No, not until we have my homemade cookies! 'gets out cookies'


End file.
